11/4/09: Magicians

UPDATE: I was relating this story to a male friend of mine last night and he confessed that once upon a time he'd pulled the same move as SNP. I asked why he did that, not in a judgmental "you're such an asshole" kinda way, but because I really wanted to know and saw the opportunity to get this info straight from the horse's mouth. The following is his single word explanation: laziness. Interesting ...

So, I'm back. And here to say that SNP isn't. After I took your excellent advice and just texted the fucker, he got back to me telling me that his week was crazy, asked me how I was doing and whether I'd be around for the upcoming weekend. I wrote back that indeed I would and asked him how he was, too. I expected to hear from him that weekend, call me crazy!

Well ... I didn't. And then didn't hear from him the following week or the subsequent weekend. So, here I am. And here's what I think. Number one, what the hell. I mean, this guy was up my ass for two weeks, calling me everyday, texting me just to say hi, asking me out for the next date while we were still on the current one. Then, trip outta town and he came back jet lagged, swamped at work, and suddenly uninterested in me. A colleague of mine thinks that maybe that time away unfortunately put the brakes on the nice momentum we'd built up. She also said that maybe it just fizzled. Both very likely. Both very sucky.

Number two, all I can think about now is that I've lost another bar. I mean, I love the place where we met and I've been going there for awhile. It's my go to place when I wanna be out but don't have anyone to be out with or don't want to talk to anyone else and just have some me time. Can I go there now and ever feel comfortable? This is the place that I also avoided after running into Cokehead Freakshow XBF. I feel fairly confident that if I saw him there now, it would be ok. However, if I saw SNP there now, it would be highly awkward and terrible. Not because I think I did anything wrong here but because I have no idea what the social protocol is in this type of situation. Do I say hi? Does he? Do I ignore his stupid ass? Even worse, will he ignore me?

(BTW: I'm going to go back to the bar. Possibly this Saturday and if he's there, fuck him. I'm a regular, too and if I want to have a watered down Vodka Soda with a Splash of Cran, I will goddammit and no stupid, 5 cat havin', SNP will stop me.)

Number three. The Magician. This is my theory and it has been proven over and over again, in one painful and confusing interaction after another. Men are magicians. At least the ones I keep meeting. They steal the show with dazzling tricks, beguiling conversation, and the seeming ability to do anything and everything you've ever dreamed of. Then, right at the moment when you're hooked, on the edge of your seat, thoroughly enthralled with the show *POOF* they disappear. And just like that, you realize that everything you've just witnessed was a show. A dazzling display of bullshit via smoke and mirrors. SNP's a magician. No matter whether they're a lawyer, office worker, doctor, or postman by day ... they're really just masquerading. They're ALL magicians.

And ya know what? I'm really sick of the show. It's not entertaining, interesting, or anything I ever want to see again. So, what do I do to make sure that it doesn't? Everyone tells me to keep the faith, keep looking, it only has to happen once ... sigh. Guess I have no choice.

PS. I'm not really all that upset about this guy not calling me, at least not now. Honestly, he's stupid for not realizing how awesome I am and how lucky he was to have been with me. Seriously, he's 39, rents, has an old POS car, 5 cats, and works for an evil place. Yes, this is unflattering. And cocky. But better than being sad, right?