Ghosts of Dating Past: Random Sightings and Updates

I used to consider myself so lucky that I never ran into people I'd dated, hooked up with, etc. Used to. It's started happening and I don't like it one bit.

So, since I've met SNP, I've seen/heard from the following ghosts of online dating past: Tattoos, PTC/One Eye, SpryGuy/WTF, and The Gentleman. Yes, The Gentleman. Got an email from him today, telling me that he has a friend coming into town for a concert and could I please pass along the name of that Ethiopian Restaurant we went to because he knows his friend will really like it. Oh, you mean the name of the place where we had our last date? The date right before you cancelled on me two hours before dinner and called me "dear"? Right, that place!! Let me get right back to you! Asshole. Figure it out your damn self. You've got a phone, a computer, Google, a brain. Or maybe you don't, because if you had a brain you wouldn't have let me slip between your fingers. No, I'm not still upset.

PTC/One Eye, who similarly decided to rear his head via email, wrote that he felt bad about things being "uncomfortable" during our last date and wanted to apologize. He also wanted to hang out again because he finds me interesting and intelligent. He then invited me to a classical music concert and offered to pick me up. I wrote back to him with my regrets about the concert (had other plans that were way more important) and said that things were a little more than uncomfortable and that he really hurt my feelings. But, I said, I wouldn't be opposed to hanging out again as friends because honestly, that's the vibe I was getting. Haven't heard from him ... I find this kinda funny and prefer to believe this is because he was feeling the romantic vibe and I crushed his dreams of rekindling by saying we could be pals. Serves him right. Meanie.

The other two I mentioned, Tattoos and SpryGuy/WTF, well, not as interesting. They were just sightings. Saw Tattoos, as you know, at the bar and spotted the other one on the street yesterday. Eyes met, I turned away, and when I looked up again, he was gone. Like a freaky little ghost. He looked the same and upon reflection I kinda wondered why I ever let him upset me so much. When I think of him in my mind now, he seems to me like a strange, hyper little elf. And how I ever swooned over that, well, I'll never know.

I've been reflecting a lot lately about my experiences with these fellows. I think back about some of them and can't for the life of me figure out why I dated them in the first place or let them get away with some of the things they got away with, The Gentleman in particular. When he came back, I should have just said no. But, for some reason, I believed that maybe it could work out. This leads me to wonder whether I'm 1) dumb, 2) so afraid to be alone that I will, even at 30+, still put up with crap, and/or 3) am just lucky enough to have a sunny outlook on life in general which leads me to expect the best from people. As with everything else in life, it's most likely a combo of the three.

Finally, this leads me to think about my current intrigue with SNP. He is gone. Out of the town, out of the country, in fact. When I think bout him, I miss him and can't wait for him to come back so we can see each other. But I'm not fixated. He returns in a little over a week ... we didn't see each other right before he left because he was busy getting drunk with work people and then I had my little weekend away. We talked for a bit when I was on the road and then had some texts while he was at the airport. I'm fairly confident I'll hear from him when he gets back but am preparing myself for the possibly that I won't or that things will somehow, someway get messed up. I know, I know: self fulfilling prophecy, negative attitude, hope for the best!! I am hoping for the best and think that it'll happen ... but lingering ghosts of Freckles still haunt my thoughts. He won't be like Freckles ... right?

Aw, shit. Who knows? Why am I posting? Why am I still contributing to this online emotional purgefest? Because it allows me to bare my neuroses and let them be judged. It allows me to go back and read about these people and learn from what I've written. After all, maybe the old adage of history repeating itself, unless we pay attention to the mistakes of the past so as not to let those become the mistakes of the future, is not only true in the sphere of world events but also in the sphere of dating. I've already faced and conquered so much, the XGFs, the crazys, the cheating, that whatever SNP has to dish out ... well, I'm pretty sure I can weather the storm. I just don't want to. No storms. Please.

Here's to hoping that SNP does not become a ghost of dating past. Here's to hoping he sticks around for awhile. Here's to hoping he hasn't met some Brazilian goddess on the hot sands of some exotic beach who has erased his mind of my memory with her foreign, femme fatale wiles.