It's almost 2010 ...

And the yearlong deadline I set for myself waaaaaaay back on January 1, 2009 is almost here, too. Still haven't met anyone. Still wondering whether "it" will ever happen. But, what can I do? The thought of going back to online dating makes me cringe and because of the holidays and the requisite trip "home" to see family, end of the year dating is not a possibility. Can't say that I'm really that upset about this actually.

At this moment a look back over the year seems appropriate. Magazines, newspapers, television shows, websites, and every other media outlet you can imagine take this time of the year to do the same. With the added bonus that this year, it being 2009 and all, these publications are not only looking back over the last year, but over the last decade, too. Makes for some very interesting airplane reading, if I may offer that opinion. Recently bought copies of both Spin and Rolling Stone to see whether they'd match up on the question of who has been the best/most influential/most amazing musician of the past year/decade. They agreed on U2, Michael Jackson (of course), The White Stripes/Jack White, and Bruce Springsteen. Interesting picks.

As for my own personal list, there are a handful of fellows that stand out as my own personal rockstars. So, here's the ultimate update for all of 2009.

First, Tattoos. I know, I know, get over it already, right? ... but our last date was the first blog entry I made and for that reason alone I feel that it's necessary to mention him again. Also for the obvious reason that he was large, uber-manly, strong, hot, and um, tattooed. Still can't get the image of those babies outta my head. Second, Backpack. I mention him because I still think about how awesome he was and how tragic it was that I just couldn't get down with his awesomeness. I really, really hope he's found someone who is able to appreciate his kindness, sense of humor and chivalry, and then just take him with wild abandon. There's also Freckles. I was sad when he ditched me and wondered what happened for awhile. Now, I realize that I was his Backpack and that's okay. Because all Backpacks deserve someone who appreciates their awesomeness, me included.

So, these were the good guys who stood out. There really are no bad guys (thankfully), but there were some freakshows. Like BEST DATE EVER. I still sometimes ponder what the hell happened with that guy. I have settled on the comfortable conclusion that I was also his Backpack but he just didn't have the balls Freckles had to tell me. He decided that it was easier for him to disappear. It's cool, I get that. I've done that once or twice. But one thing I've learned this year is that disappearing is mean and bad and after one turns 30, it's kind of unacceptable. He's still trolling the online dating site where we met, BTW. Then there was SpryGuy/WTF. Also, confusing and strange. For this one I've concluded that he had either PTSD or some other insidious mental illness that made him incapable of conducting normal relations with me. No big loss there, obviously. As for SNP, who the F knows what happened there? I honestly couldn't care less. Saw him a couple weeks ago on the way back from the gym. He was on his porch feeding the neighborhood alley cats and when I looked up and locked eyes with him, I felt ... well, nothing. I mean, I would've liked to have seen whatever was happening between us through but he obviously didn't have the same desire and there's nothing I can do about that.

So, upon reflection, here are the lessons learned:
First and foremost, it is unacceptable to put up with bullshit because it's easy, or comfortable, or too scary to contemplate life alone. Life alone, I've come to realize, isn't really all that bad and can be really great. And, deep down, under the cynicism and doubtfulness, I don't really think that that's my destiny. I see my destiny more along the lines of Kim Cattral (sp?) who found the love of her life well into her 40s while she was out alone at a jazz club, doing something that she loved. This brings me to the next lesson: do not change who I am or what I want to morph into what I think they want. Because that's stupid and always something you regret afterwards. Finally, I cannot wake up everyday, or every other day, thinking about what I don't have. I mean, on bad days, of course going through that sadness is fine but one cannot dwell on the bad. At the beginning of a new year, it's best to start out on a positive note, right?

And here's the positive note. Even though the name of this blog indicates that it would cover a finite period of time, I think I'll prolong this for a little while. Why? I enjoy this for one. And for two ... someone has emerged quite out of nowhere who may just be different than all the others. And I'm very excited to see what might happen when I return to my city. A preview for the New Year: he's tall, dark, and handsome, very polite, loves his Mother, and brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers for my birthday. He always opens the car door when he gives me a ride, practically begged to see me before I left, and we've recently had prolonged text conversations during which we've both revealed, in a rather silly way, that we have crushes on each other. Nauseatingly cute. Oh, and, we've been friends for the last six months which makes things complicated, for sure. It's only been recently that I've looked at his face and been surprised by the fact that when he drops me off after one of our outings, I'm hoping that he leans in for the goodnight kiss.

We've already planned a date for January 4th when I get back so until then ... see you all in the New Year. Here's to hoping 2010 will bring more adventures, more lessons learned and maybe, just maybe the elusive Blogstopper will actually make an appearance for real this time.

Cheers!!!