1/9/2010 It's a New Year

We're about ten days in and I've already had two dates. With the same fellow. And I'm completely, 100%, slap happy, red cheeked, silly, head over heels for this one. Total Goner.

As I posted pre-New Year, this guy has been strictly a friend since Freckles (so, June). In fact, I was hesitant to hang out with him then for fear that Freckles would somehow see us and make assumptions. How ironic is life? Now, I wish Freckles would walk by and see me hanging out with this one so he would realize how fucking stupid he was for letting me go. But, never mind about that. At this point, I couldn't give a crap about Freckles, SNP, Tattoos, or any of the others whom I spent so much time and mental energy on. Why, you ask? Well, though I've never seen the movie or read the book of the same name, 'He's Just Not that Into You', I now realize that everyone I've met up until now just wasn't that into me. But dating is at least 60% rationalization and comes close to 90% when you're dating someone who just isn't your match. But this one is into me. Is maybe my match. To the point that if I wasn't so enamored, I'd consider him a stalker and potentially take some sort of legal action.

We had dinner Monday and it was lovely. He is a consummate gentleman (not to be confused in any way with 'The Gentleman' whose chivalry pales in comparison to this fellow) and I cannot believe how stupid I was to not have realized and savored him sooner than now. Apparently in the latter half of 2009, I had my head shoved firmly up my ass, making me unable to see the awesomeness right in front of me. But over the holiday season, I had a revelation. I started thinking about the possibility of Friend going to a swank NYE function, looking suave as per usual, being charming and wonderful, and meeting some other women whom he would fall in love with ... and poof!! my chance would be gone and I couldn't bear spending the rest of my life knowing that I'd potentially let this one pass me by. Then it hit me. I didn't want to be his friend. I wanted to kiss him and see him everyday. And I wanted to be brave.

It's scary to see a friend as something different than a friend. What if it doesn't work out? What if you have some terrible, horrible blow up and go from liking, to loving, to hating? What if you like them as a friend but don't click as lovers? All valid concerns, I think. All concerns that are compounded by two additional facts: we work together and are at times, adversaries at work. But, after weighing all of these anxieties against the possibility of how amazing and perfect and wonderful it could be if it worked out, well, there was no doubt left in my mind. So, I jumped in. And we confessed to each other in a most appropriately 2010-esque technologically advanced way that we had mutual crushes ... via text message. On Christmas Day.

I cooked him dinner this past Wednesday and it was a hit. We talked for hours, he raved about dinner, and then we kissed. And kissed. And kissed. As he left my apartment, reluctantly I think, but necessarily (loyal readers know that the physical part of relationships is where I completely fuck up and go full speed ahead when a nice coasting would be more appropriate) and said goodnight, I was so sad to see him go yet didn't feel lonely when he did. A new feeling for me. I think I felt this way because I knew that I would see him again. I knew that he would call, text, move heaven and earth to see me. And he has. We've had contact everyday since then, either in person or via phone.

A friend of mine told me this week that she knew that all of the others were doomed to failure because there wasn't the urgency on their part to see me. They weren't wiling to move mountains for five minutes of my time. Bottom line: they just weren't that into me. But this guy, well, he gave me a ride from my office to the bus stop yesterday. Um, its one block. One. I was in the car for a grand total of 1 minute 30 seconds. But he wanted to see me if only for 1 minute and 30 seconds. He's out of town this weekend and he's been texting me all day. He wants to see me tomorrow after he gets back. I cannot wait. We have made a bucket list of all the things we want to experience together in our city ... and I can't wait to do each and every one. Next weekend he wants me to join his best friend and his GF for dinner. Double date, already? I'm totally there and am impressed that he asked!

All of the above being said, I cannot help but revert to MseDater form here for a sec and air my baggage. I'm excited and so fucking scared that if I think too hard about it, I start to cry. There's a lot at stake here. I WANT this one and see real potential for things here to actually become serious. This could be it (JINX, JINX, JINX!!!). At this point, all signs say that he wants to see me and see me and see me and begin to build memories. But, all the others left. What if he does to? I know, I know, I can't think that way and man, I'm trying my damndest not to. I resolve to enjoy this for Christ's sake and savor every moment with this wonderful person!!! Overcome neuroses and convince self that love actually exists and has found me.

That being said, he has actually met some of the folks that read this blog regularly and I therefore feel slightly uncomfortable posting as there could certainly be future meetings between him and said friends. So, the decision I've made is to continue to post updates but not as often and with fewer details about him and our dates. I mentioned the blog to him the first time we hung out way back in the warm, glory days of young summer but I assume he doesn't remember. If he does though, well, I don't want to chance it ... ya know?

That's it. I'll be back. Hopefully with happy stories and good feelings. And hopefully, at some point, I will actual sign off, closing this little chapter of my life. Not a Freckles-type false alarm this time, but for real. Then updates about my life will come not from this blog but directly from me while I smile and look back on this with both fondness and relief that it's over.

Keep warm and keep reading!!