3/4/09 - Date Twenty Six: Dinner at My Place

So, Backpack came over to my house for dinner. I wanted to make him dinner at my place for several reasons. First, I wanted to be able to see him alone, not out in a bar or restaurant. Second, I wanted to cook for him because he had paid for everything on every date we've had thus far and was really wanting to reciprocate in some way. Third, I was hoping to impress him a little bit, I'll be honest. Finally, I wanted to have the opportunity to have some physical time with him so I could see how that would be and maybe decide even further whether he was for me.

I made risotto again. I know, I know ... I tend to be very habit oriented in life and I'm finding that I'm also that way in dating. Interesting. Guess this particular food has become my go to dish for dinner at home with the fellows. He hung out with me in my kitchen while I cooked, talking to me about some job anxiety, and a recent trip out of town. When the food was done we settled into the couch and continued to talk as we ate. He complimented the food and seemed to enjoy it. He offered to bring dessert, so after the risotto, he whipped some cream with an electric mixer he brought over and we enjoyed that with some puff pastry he made and some really nice fresh strawberries. It was very lovely and I made sure to tell him so because he was incredibly nervous. There were multiple texts sent the night before about how he was burning his house down making the pastries and that he might have to scrap the whole plan and just buy some cupcakes. All very cute!

After dessert, we did a crossword together and had some little kisses here and there. I could tell that he was pretty nervous so made the decision to take a break and we chatted while I did the dinner dishes. After that we went back to the couch and had some pretty intense make out time. It was really nice and he's a very good kisser ... what was sort of fun about it is that at times he'd sort of take a break to tell me a story or make some sort of joke. I've never had anyone do that before and it was kind of great. Took some of the pressure off. Of course the entire time, I'm debating whether to let him stay or kick him out. At one point, I looked at the clock and determined that the hour necessitated a decision on this issue. I looked at him and said that I didn't want him to go but that we were not going to have sex. Pants stay on. He said ok.

We moved to the bedroom and slept. He held me for the majority of the night and I felt very safe, warm, and good. The next morning, I got ready for work and he walked out with me, electric mixer in hand.

Bottom line: he's great. He's wonderful. He's kind and giving and not pushy and respectful and smart and funny and, and, and ... I'm still on the fence. What's wrong with me? Is it there or is it not? We've had multiple dates and I always enjoy myself but I can't shake the fact that there's something missing ... I've decided that I don't need to make a decision now about where this is going and I'm fine to let him bring that up when he's ready. I'm still really enjoying going out with other people and don't want to give that up right now. This makes me feel a little guilty as I have the feeling that he is sort of settling in and hasn't talked about seeing others or even about having other plans with folks other than co-workers. But again, I cannot guess about what's going on in his head. All I can do is enjoy myself, be respectful of him, be honest with him, and if the time comes to make a decision about "where this is going", be honest with myself.