2/27/10 - Regular

Looks like I'm unwittingly posting once per week here about my progress with Friend. We're still going strong ... and something amazing has happened over the last two months. I've proceeded (with the glaring exception of the 'goodbye' post) dating this fellow with the intent of allowing him to run the show and trying very hard not to let myself get ahead of myself and sabotage everything. Not to anticipate too much about what might happen or where this is going or whether there's a future ... and lo and behold, he's told me a number of times, in other words and those exact words, that he sees a future here with me. Sh*t. Never thought this would happen.

So, here's the recent history: coffee and food Thursday evening, followed by some good make outs and laying together. Friday, same game plan ... coffee, dinner, sleepover at his friend's vacant apartment. Over coffee, I read my magazine and he brought work. We barely talked or even acknowledged each other. The only indication that we were together was the sweet kiss he gave me when he got there and the close, yet subtle, physical contact he kept with me the whole time we were there. Then, when I'd tired of my article and he'd finished his work he slumped down and put his head on my shoulder, turning his head a bit to look up at me and smile. I smiled inside so big that I feared the warmth and happyness of that emotion would burst out of my chest and blind everyone around us. But, I kept myself under control and smiled back modestly.

We mobilized for dinner, which I purchased. At this point, though he offers every time we go out, I feel it completely unnecessary that he pay for everything. So, this was my gesture. It was received with a wink and another lovely smile. Off to his friend's place, where we laid together on the couch, under a cozy blanket, watching Dave Chapelle make fun of white people, black people, and everyone in between and laughing outloud simultaneously. I almost fell completely asleep there until he shifted, saw my eyes closed, and suggested a relocation to the bedroom. And there we went, laid down and slept. No nookie. No sexy time. Just wonderful, warm, spooning and instantaneous sleep. Part of me was slightly disappointed about the lack of action but part of me was elated at the fact that I was just as happy to lay quietly with him as I was to lay not so quietly.

He said once that he thinks its a good sign that we can be together and be quiet with each other. I wholeheartedly agree. Sometimes sharing that silence is more powerful than talking. We tend to have very intense, deeply philosophical conversations, which I truly enjoy but have lately been really craving a date with him that's just stupid and lighthearted and fun. But following through with my pattern of letting things happen as they will, I've just accepted that maybe that's not what we're about or maybe that he really enjoys the ability to have these types of talks with me. Maybe he's just a serious fellow. I've never actually liked goofy so serious is fine with me. My nervousness was that he also felt that our times together were very ... um ... heavy. But last night after dinner, on the way to the car, we ran around the street like kids, trying to catch snowflakes on our tongues. Then watching the video and laughing together, feeling each other's bodies shake, well, I guess I got my wish.

Has anybody ever held you all night long? Has that ever been more comfortable than sleeping alone? For me, before I met him, the answer to both of those questions would have been two emphatic NOs. But now ... well ... every second of every moment we're together I'm completely and totally present and I soak it all up like a plant in the middle of a desert that's finally getting rain.

Love, rain over me.