This post does not come from the Pit of Ultimate Sadness (promise!)

The details, as promised:

Freckles came over Saturday. He walked into my apartment, put his bag down, took his shoes off and sat cross legged on my sofa like he was in his own place. In hindsight, this really pisses me off but I digress. He launched right in and told me that as we were getting to a point where things were becoming more serious, he was thinking about whether that was something he wanted with me. He decided he didn't. He wants to meet someone to be serious with ... but SURPRISE!! I'm not that person. During this extremely uncomfortable and difficult (for both of us) conversation, I could do nothing but look down at my hands, wringing uncontrollably in my lap, and say the word "Okay" over and over and over. He said it wasn't me, that I didn't do anything, blah, blah, blah. I know, rationally, that it wasn't me. He said he really liked spending time with me, that I am great, etc. ... just not enough. And there's nothing I can do about that. I'm proud that I never told him it was okay because it's not. I'm proud of the way I handled myself. I wished him luck on his upcoming race and told him I hoped he had a good rest of his weekend. At one point, he reached over and stroked my knee gently in an effort, I guess, to express that he was understanding that this was painful for me. His hand on my leg, previously a sign that sexytime was about to begin, felt like terrible fire and I wanted him to stop touching me immediately as no comfort was being provided via that gesture. After some minutes I got up, put my own shoes on, and taking my hint, he got up, too. We walked to my door, me fumbling blindly, senselessly with my house keys as if I too was leaving and after wishing him luck again on his race, he left through my opened door. It closed and I starting crying. I secretly hoped that he could hear me. I secretly hoped that he would stop, turn back, and take it al back. But he didn't. And that's ok.

So, here I am, sitting on my couch 48 hours, one pint of ice cream, 6 slices of pizza, two gin gimlets, half a bottle of ranch dressing (for dipping the pizza crust) and one box of Oreos later and I don't know what to do now.

I've read all of your comments and ... You're all right!! I have decided that I get to mourn for a couple days ... or until I get sick of my own inner monologue and then I have to (HAVE TO) pick myself up, dust myself off, squeeze a little happiness into the ol' ticker, get back on that love bicycle and keep a ridin'. Whether that ride is alone or with friends or in tandem with some other fellow. As one of you said, I will not allow Freckles to be the Blogstopper for any reason. Screw him. Wait ... I already did that ... haha (I get to laugh now, right?)

I have made one decision though. No more internet dating. I've come to believe that while websites like the one I tried are very useful for DATING they are not useful for RELATIONSHIPS. So, no more online romantic assistance. I'm going to try meeting a man the old fashioned way. Getting wasted at a bar and going home with whatever loser bought me my last gin.

KIDDING!!! That's how I met cokehead freakshow and as I've stated multiple times, I don't wanna go there again. I will hopefully see that guy who picked me up at the coffee shop/bar here in the next few days and will surely report on that. He's pretty nice actually and has very beautiful, pale blue eyes. So, that's something, isn't it?

Ok, ladies. Thanks for reading, commenting, and letting me know that you've all been there (even if it has been for 15 years ... yikes! Next time we meet, I'm buying a round for both of us!) and you've survived. I must constantly remind myself, especially at times like this, that this really is a part of the journey and I just have to move on. Even if I just want to be done already (but I don't really get to control that, do I?) My prior positive attitude is returning, slowly but surely, and I hope to be back, full steam ahead, soon. Because modern technology won't be facilitating my dating life, posts may be a little slower to come. But check back often and hopefully the adventures will continue!

Next up: second date with random pick-up. I'll include in that post a summary of first date, which really wasn't very eventful on it's own. I'll also name him. At this point, not enough information has been learned to assign this one a nickname.

See you guys soon! Thanks again!

MseDater ... back in the saddle :)