2/27/09 - Date Twenty Four: "That" Guy

We have all met that guy. He's slick, he's a fast talker, he's obsessed with his job because he thinks it makes him cool/powerful/interesting ... he does the double gun salute (disgusting) and when he unexpectedly runs into someone he knows, he immediately gives the firm hand shake with the pat on the back. It's a mutation of the weird man hug where the handshake serves as a blockade between each man's chests so there's minimal physical contact. But, I'm already off topic ... let me go back to the date.

Met this one for drinks (his suggestion) and as I commonly do, reviewed his profile before we met. I noticed that all of his pictures had beer bottles and empty solo cups in the background (party pics ... yeah dude!!) and that he was 5'5". These things gave me concern but there was no turning back. And yes, the height thing again. Ya know, I don't like this about myself but if I feel like I'm towering over my date, there's a really good chance I won't feel attracted to them. I just don't want to feel like an Amazon Woman on a date. I want to feel feminine and dainty and cute. Hard for this to happen when my date is a tiny, wee little man. He arrived and was the height he said he was. I wore heels and therefore felt like an Amazon Woman but mere seconds into the conversation, I knew that it wouldn't matter because I was not going to be seeing this one again.

On a date, if you find yourself looking at the other person and silently wondering what type of woman would be a good match for him, it's obviously not you. After some reflection, I pictured this guy with a small blonde woman, younger than him, who would find the fact that multiple times during the conversation he referred to me "dude" and referred to all of his friends as his "boys" and endearing quality. I however, was extremely annoyed by this. Um, hi, my name is not dude. It's going to be hard for me to describe this guy/date given my commitment to keeping things anonymous, including my location but I'll do my best ... this guy wrote that he wanted to meet someone with whom he could talk about food, music, and art. He specifically said that he wanted to avoid talking about his job. I respect this. Work conversation on a date, especially a first date, typically means that things aren't going well because everyone can talk about their job, probably make it seem quasi-interesting, and it's not personal. So when the conversation reverts to work talk, the ship is sinking and you either have to GET OUT or try and save it by asking about family, friends, favorite hangouts, etc.

While this guy did his best to not talk about his job, no matter what I asked him about, he circled back to work. There was nothing I could do to keep him from talking about it. By the end of the date, I just stopped trying and did my best to look engaged and interested while he talked about his job. He was very passionate about it, which was great but in my city, people that do what he does are in a special category. They typically hang out with each other in big, roaming packs. They even have their own language, hangouts, and culture that the rest of us with "normal" jobs are not a part of and honestly, make fun a great deal. Again, I'm really struggling here because I don't want to say what his job is but anyone who is reading this and knows my city, will probably be able to guess his profession in about five seconds. Hint: he's not a lawyer.

Another thing that really annoyed me during the date is that he kept running into people that he knew ... first it was one of his "boys" that he went to college with. They talked for about ten minutes during which time Date completely turned his back to me and made zero attempt to include me in the conversation. Check Minus with a capital Minus. Second time was at the next bar we went to where again he ran into two women he knew and again felt it was totally appropriate to ignore me for five minutes while stopping to talk with them. And, for almost the entire time he was talking, he had his hand on the small of the back of one of them. CHECK MINUS. I did not, and do not, want to see this fellow again, but are you freaking kidding me??? How rude is that?? Um, are we still on a date or can I excuse myself so you can try to "hit that"?

So, we left the second bar and he walked me to the corner. He closed by saying that he doesn't really know how this works, etc. and I said do what you feel, do what you feel. And by that I meant that he should not have the feeling that we needed to ever see each other again. Contrary to the tone this post has taken, I do not dislike this person. I just got the distinct feeling that he is too young for me, too involved in his job/that scene, and still wants to go to parties with his "boys", drink crappy beer, and have conversations where he liberally overuses the following phrases: 'rock and roll', 'get it done', 'work that angle', 'make it happen' ... and of course, my personal favorite, 'dude'.

Sigh. While on this date I did have a very positive realization: all the while I was sitting across from this person, listening to his job BS, I was wishing that I was sitting across from Backpack. And then I realized that I miss Backpack. And then I realized that I really want Backpack to come back into town so I can kiss him again, and make him dinner. He gets back Sunday night and during the entire time he's been gone (last couple days), he's been constant with the texts. I sort of like Backpack. He makes me smile.