UPDATE: Exit Interview

This may or may not have happened to you ... you go out with someone and things don't work out. You leave the scene and think back over the date, happy that you have no obligation to communicate again if you don't want to. And you don't want to so you move one. Go home, make dinner, clean the lint out of that screen in the back of your hairdryer, do laundry, go to work, whatever. You have proceeded on with your life.

Then you get an email. Or a text. Or, oh god no, a phone call. Yes, they want to go out again. You don't and you politely respond that you aren't interested. You then get another communication asking why. They want the EXIT INTERVIEW ... your first thought? Are you kidding me? Why in the hell would someone ever want to know why someone else didn't want them? I don't want to know. Deep down I guess we all crave the bravery or self-awareness to understand what our flaws are and to try and correct them as deemed necessary to make ourselves more desirable to the opposite (or same) sex. But I certainly don't want to invite someone that I barely know to give me a laundry list of those flaws and then describe why they don't want to get another drink with me.

I've had this happen to me twice. The first time, I didn't respond and just let it go. I don't recall having a horrible time on the date but wasn't attracted to him and didn't feel any connection, so therefore did not feel the responsibility to make further contact. The second time this happened was just this past week. Date Eighteen. Sensitive, sensitive Date Eighteen. He emailed that night telling me that he sensed "space" between us and wondered how I felt about how the date went. As I was reading his words, my stomach knotted up, my throat went dry, and my eyes rolled back at the prospect of responding to him. I know, I know I could have easily not responded but I felt an obligation to this one, given our past communications and the fact that he drove two hours to meet me. Plus, this is one ballsy move and you've gotta respect that. Well, either ballsy or pathetic.

So, I talked about it with friends and thought about my response. The next day I wrote him back and was honest. I told him that while we had a most amazing connection via email and telly, it just wasn't there for me in person. I told him that I was disappointed with that (again true) and wished it was different but it wasn't. I told him, honestly, that he just wasn't for me. To my surprise, he responded to my response and said that he appreciated my email and hoped that I found what I was looking for. He also said that he hoped we could at some point meet again ... ah, no, but I appreciate the sentiment.

From this random, uncomfortable situation I learned that some folks out there in the dating world are braver than others. And this guy is brave. Kudos to him. Seriously. I'd love to text/email/call BEST DATE EVER or Tattoos and ask them what in the F happened but I'm not going to. It's more important for me to move on and leave that behind than dwell. If anyone ever asks you for the exit interview, handle with care. Whatever you email/say/text will be remembered for a long time. A good response is always the following: "Hey, nice to meet you, really it was ... but at this point in both of our lives we can afford to be choosy. We've both got the goods and shouldn't settle for anything less than what we want". See how that worked? You got out of it with a real answer, it lacked specific hurtful details, and even included a compliment!! Excellent.