4/29/09 - Date Forty Three: The Gentleman is back ...

For good? Will he ditch again for an XGF or for some other reason? Dunno. But I've decided that I'm willing to take the risk. For now anyway ...

A colleague of mine predicted that he would pop back up when I initially told her about his exit email. She was so sure, she guaranteed it. I was sure he wouldn't so was a little shocked when he made the aforementioned contacts. Accordingly, I was prepared for the fact that we had to reschedule Sunday evening. I was even prepared for some sort of cosmic F up yesterday night, too ... but alas, we met, had dinner, drinks, talked, mooned, and it was as if no time had gone by. It was as if he had not ditched me for the re-appearing (and now hopefully disappeared) XGF. It was as if I became mute whenever I attempted to ask him what happened. The words would form in my brain but simply would not come out of my mouth. Other words came out, sure, but not those. Sigh ... I feel in some sense like I let myself down. During the date, during those moments when I was seconds away from the confrontation, and then just after I had failed yet again to break the ice, I rationalized that maybe it was ok. Maybe my not mentioning anything or confronting him or being mean and prying was just confusing him more. Keeping him on his toes.

Again, sigh. Who knows really? Maybe he feels like he got away with it. Maybe he feels like he can take advantage of me and do anything he wants now. Maybe I'm being a tad over-dramatic. Ok, totally over-dramatic. Definitely. As I said before though, I'm willing to see him again and try again to understand why he left and then returned. Really, I only need to know so that I can make sure that this is not a situation where my heart will surely be broken. But ... how can I know that? Even if he sits in front of me and tells me that he knew immediately that he wanted to see me and not her, I still have to choose to believe that ... because unless I get some independent confirmation, unless this infamous XGF stands before me and corroborates his story, it's a leap of faith no matter what. So, maybe it's ok that we didn't have some sort of soap opera-esque heavy conversation. Things will proceed and either end well or badly ...

And it's become very complicated by the fact that we had a wonderful, comfortable, and easy evening. I feel so myself with him. I was nervous, yes, to bring up the XGF but otherwise feel like I can be hyper, intense, funny, ramble, and otherwise show my quirks and foibles and I do not fear judgment. He picked me up and when I got in the car, he reached his hand over and took mine, squeezing it. He then leaned in to give me a kiss but in that moment I was unsure if I was really wanting that so I leaned back slightly and put my other hand over his squeezing it back and immediately started talking so that the kiss wouldn't happen. Not just yet, anyway.

We ate at a favorite Ethiopian restaurant of mine that I've actually been to on multiple dates before. He hadn't been there and we both really enjoyed it. After dinner, we went to a little dive bar next door and got a couple drinks. At this point, I was still planning to have the conversation and thought it would be a little easier over drinks than over dinner. Especially at this particular restaurant which, in retrospect, is a terrible place to have a personal and potentially tricky talk as they pack you in like sardines. I mean, you can practically eat the food off of your neighbor's table, you're so close. Anyway. The bar was packed. Loud. Boisterous. There were multiple bands playing this night and consequently all of their fans were hanging out in the bar waiting for them to go on. They all appeared to be college aged and were super super drunk by the time we got there.

So, my plan to do this at the bar over drinks was similarly foiled. So, I gave up and just decided to enjoy his company. We talked, told stories, looked at each other's pictures on our cell phones ... at one point, while reading the music schedule in the local free weekly, he slyly snuck a little peck on the lips. It took me by surprise. And it felt really good. The scene was getting a little crazy so we left and he drove me home. On the street outside my building, he double parked and put the flashers on. I looked over to say goodnight and thank him for dinner. He said no problem, took my hand again, and gave me a nice kiss. This nice kiss turned into an even nicer kiss which then evolved into a pretty sweet, too too brief make-out. Just typing about it now makes my stomach all fluttery and reminds me that I've missed him all day.

I pulled back, looked at him and again the words almost came out. He leaned his head forward and put his forehead against mine, sighing ... again, the words died somewhere between brain and mouth and all I could think about was how I was so glad he'd come back and how I was so happy to be sitting in that car, at that moment, with this man. We kissed for a bit again and he asked me when I was leaving town and when exactly I was getting back. I find this encouraging, of course. The Gentleman has historically never made plans for the next date on the current one but always comes around the next day and asks what my week is like ... asking when I would be coming back is the equivalent. I opened the door, said goodnight again, walked to my building and as I was going in the door, looked back to see him watching me and we both waved goodbye.

Seconds later ... a text. "Night. U ok?" I wrote back that I was but that I was feeling bad that I didn't ask about XGF and that I really needed to know what happened and hopefully we can get together again when I get back. This comprised too many characters for one text message so my phone sent it in two parts. 1/2. 2/2. Messages Sent. Beep. Return text. "I didn't get your 1st message." Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!?! I wrote back that it was no problem and that I just wanted to see him after I got back and told him that the kiss was really nice. He agreed and we wrote more, flirting for a bit longer. Finally, I told him to leave me alone so I could get my beauty sleep and he said, "Ok, night babe." Typically, I hate 'babe' but with this one, it makes me smile ear to freaking ear. Don't know why ... guess it's because I can hear him saying it, too. Got an email today. Nothing crucial, just a link to a funny YouTube video. He used to send me random links all the time before. I looked at it and responded. Also had a couple texts today. So, contact. Contact is good.

So, what do you guys think? I'm excited to see him again and know that I will. I'm also excited to see JS and SpryGuy and will not give up on them unless something with The Gentleman drastically changes. I mean, he's not the Blogstopper. Right?