Met this guy for drinks ONLY which was his suggestion. This signals to me that he is not new to this process because meeting for drinks is always a smart move. They can segue into dinner if things are going well ... dinner however, can be very dicey as you might get stuck eating with someone who you instantly A) despise and/or B) know that you never, ever want to see again. Then you have to force yourself to go through the payment dance described in the last post. Most people know this. I tend to buck the system and get together for dinner with people far more than I should. I do this mainly because I feel that learning how to converse with random strangers over food is a necessary life skill that can help you navigate all types of social situations: work meetings, happy hours with colleagues you barely know, conversations with socially awkward friends of friends, getting to know a sibling's BF/GF who you kind of hate but are forced to deal with because they may very likely become your future sister or brother-in-law.
So, we had drinks. I thought it went okay. Just okay because we talked a lot about work. Talking about work is fine because you can get to know someone a bit by learning about what they do, why they do it, and how satisfying they find it but it's not the same as trading drunk college stories or talking about politics or family. Work is typically not personal for people and it's not the best date conversation. So, I was mildly surprised when I received an email a couple days later asking to see me again. I was lukewarm but said yes because unless I'm repulsed by someone, I feel that they deserve a second chance. First dates are stressful and very rarely do you actually meet the true man. You meet either the best version of the man (fakers) or a nervous idiot who is typically confident but can't get that across (man who needs another chance). And once you've done this for a couple months, you can sniff out the fakers like a bloodhound on a hot trail.
So, onto dinner. He suggested the place. We met, got pre-dinner drinks, shared a salad, tried each other's entrees, had dessert, and Sambuca. The meal and conversation could not have been better. The atmosphere in this little Italian Bistro was perfect for a Sunday evening second date. Low light, the smell of the wood burning pizza oven, the chill music. I was having such a great time!!! We left and he offered to drive me home (check plus), an offer I gladly accepted. Once outside my apartment, I said goodnight, reached over to hug him and he kissed me! Well, he tried. I sort of effed it up by turning my head a little too far so he just caught the side of the mouth ... DAMMIT!!! Hurriedly, I exited the car, saying in a flustered way that we should see each other again, that I had a great time, that he should call, blah, blah, blah.
All sounds great, right?? Well, I thought so. I sent him a text when I got situated at home, thanking him for the dinner, the ride, everything. I thought it was only polite because this meal was not cheap (this was, in fact, the most expensive meal I've had on a date) and I couldn't remember if I thanked him before. I said that I enjoyed his company and would like to hang out again. A casual, breezy text. Didn't hear anything. Decided to lose a little face and send an email a couple days later ... same result, no answer as of this posting.
Lesson: even when a date seems to be going so well you can actually imagine telling friends (in a hushed voice, of course) when asked how you met your fiancee, that you met him online, things can still not work out. This makes no sense. You go over the date in your head for days afterwards trying to figure out what you did wrong until you realize that you didn't do anything wrong. Unfortunately the truth of the matter is that dating necessarily involves another person. And you don't know them. They could be a flake. They could have severe personal problems that they're really good at hiding. They could have multiple personality disorder and forget meeting you when they switch back to the other personality.
Granted those are extreme possibilities but the point remains. You cannot control this person. Unless you are God. And you're not. As of this writing, still no response. Will keep you posted.
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