Observation One: Men do not make plans for a second date during the first one. And they still abide by the 'three day rule'. Even if they're 35, divorced, living on their own, supporting themselves, and in all other respects seem to be normal adults. This is really frustrating and needs to be stopped somehow. Maybe, as with the acceptance of homosexuality, bi-racial relationships, and body art, this can be a generational change. This is a call out to young mothers - please raise your sons to eschew the three day rule and maybe, just maybe we can eradicate it and save future generations of young women much anxiety and emotional turmoil. I realize, of course, that the fact that this bothers me is also a problem. I'm working on that.
Observation Two: Men will do anything to avoid a confrontation. This includes lying, bending the truth, and/or disappearing. You see a guy a couple of times, maybe four or even five, then something happens. They tell you, oh, I don't know, that they now plan to be celibate (reference 1/2/09 - Date One). Or that they can't go out on a Saturday night for a drink because they have to go to church. These things are not true. It is extremely unlikely that someone you are dating will suddenly have some sort of divine religious conversion that prevents them from seeing you. These things are being said as a means of throwing you off and blowing you off. There's a Barenaked Ladies song that I always really liked that sums this up perfectly. Several verses in the middle of the song are from the perspective of the female who has just been jilted by the male. She says (and I'm paraphrasing here): You arrogant man/Who do you think that I am?/something about crying ... /MY HEART WILL BE FINE/SO STOP WASTING MY TIME. Women are strong. We deal with just as much crap in life as men, if not more, so we're quite capable of dealing with someone telling us that they don't really want to see us anymore. This whole dating/relationship thing would be much easier if they would just grow a set and end things in a mature, upfront way. I think most women would appreciate that. Disagree if you want ...
Observation Three: this one is specific to Tattoos (again, see 1/2/09 - Date One) and related to Observation Two. I, for some reason, cannot stop thinking about why he decided to remove himself from consideration. I am of two minds. One: he sensed that all I wanted from him was a casual, physical relationship and decided in a very anti-man kind of way that he didn't want that. I know, I can hear all of you laughing at that one, so I'll discard it. Two: he sensed that I was really interested, was feeling sort of comfortable with him, maybe too comfortable, and got freaked. I think this one is the likely reason because there is also a recent break-up thrown into the mix with an XGF who hasn't quite extricated herself from his physical surroundings. Unless those tampons in the bathroom were his, which I doubt. Dunno ... need to stop mentally chewing on this one but can't seem to shake it.
Observation Four: related also to above. I am certainly not the best dater in the world but do feel very comfortable at this point meeting someone I've never met and conversing with them about random topics. Sometimes I wonder whether or not I'm too comfortable. Sometimes I wonder whether I should appear more nervous or more intimidated or more *something* to make the man feel like he has some power in the situation ... wow, that sounds ridiculous and I hope Wander Full, my lovely commenting friend, tells me that I'm being stupid. But this is a diary and I need to purge here. Do men, even in this modern day, still want some semblance of 1950s gender roles? Do they need to feel like we need them? Or are we really living in a society where NeYo's song 'Miss Independent' is a new standard of attraction? Do I need to suppress my natural independence so that a man I'm seeing feels like a knight in shining armor?
Observation Five: my final observation. Everyone has a curse in the relationship arena. Meeting people who need fixing, meeting people who are needy, meeting people who have addictions/are unemployed/are mean ... all manner of nasty things. Fortunately, my curse isn't any of those. I tend to meet men who are mature in a lot of very important ways and do not have active addictions or severe emotional problems. My curse is meeting people at the wrong time. Tattoos and the recent XGF. First date way back in the summer of '08 was recently divorced and "trying to get out there" but then told me that he wasn't ready. Another fellow who I saw for about two months in August/September of '08 told me multiple times that his XGF hurt him terribly and that he needed to go slow with someone new. Several other fellows just weren't settled in their lives/jobs/locations. Prime example: the Doctor could possibly be moving across the country in two months. I have struggled with this a lot during this process. Do I immediately cut someone off when I get the indication that they're not settled? Or do I proceed on with a brave and positive attitude, hoping things will work out no matter the perceived obstacle? I don't know. What I do know though, is that stability is extremely important to me. And learning this lesson might just make all the confusion and heartache worth it ... and it might make meeting that someone who is stable that much sweeter.
Who knows? Maybe I'll meet him tonight, Sunday, or Tuesday. Gotta keep hoping ...
observation 1: i agree
ReplyDeleteobsercation 2:diasagree. cf enjoys heated discussions.
observation 3: either way he is obviously not ready for a sexually empowered you. lame.
observation 4:you called my response. my independence is one of cf's favorite things in me, i think that is why we survive. i notice he appreciates that in his female friends as well. but i do at times lean on him.
observation 5:at least time is out of your control. besides you might be able to handle their problems, but if they can't handle their own problems your just avoiding a time bomb.