Yes, I played ping pong again. This time with Freckles, who decided to wait until we were literally standing at the table to tell me that he grew up playing ping pong because his family had a table in the basement and that he also has a hyper competitive side. Awesome. We had a great time though and the "hyper competitive side" only came out a couple times, was not negative in any way, and was actually kind of hot. The focus. I mean ... not the volleys he showered down on me as though I was receiving some sort of ping pong punishment. But let's start from the beginning, shall we ...
We spent much of the day negotiating back and forth about what to do ... my initial suggestion was to get a movie and some take out given the crappy, rainy, thunderstorm-y weather we'd had all day. I then got nervous about that because my suggestion that we get a movie, eat, etc. was not accompanied by a suggestion that we do this all at my place. Which means I basically invited myself over to his place. Dammit. So, after he wrote back and said that that sounded good, I responded by apologizing for the self-invite and suggesting ping pong as an alternative. Plus, he said that the only movie he really had was 'An Inconvenient Truth' ... not exactly a movie that would set the stage for sexy time and romance. So, he wrote back and said that ping pong also sounded good and to not worry about the self-invite (he then actually jokingly invited himself over to my house ... so cute). Finally, I wrote back and said ping pong it is and we agreed for him to pick me up at 7:30.
He arrived and we drove up to the bar, chatting about our days on the way. I showed him a new way to navigate through our city, which I think impressed him a little bit. I wondered whether we would kiss when I got into the car, but similar to the last date, I decided not to read anything into whatever might happen with that interaction. We didn't. No worries, though. We made up for it later. I'm realizing that it takes a little time for him to be comfortable when we meet. The time it takes is getting shorter and shorter ... I really enjoy his shyness and find it so endearing. We got to the place and ate first since he was starving. The food was great, as it has been the other times I've been there, and I think he really liked it. We chatted over dinner, mainly about family, friends, exchanged crazy college stories. I started thinking that this is the way you get to know someone ... and then felt so thankful that as of yet I have sensed no BS, or weirdness, or issues from him. It scares me but you all know that.
Moving on to the ping pong portion of the evening. He did kinda freak me out by telling me that he was really good and really competitive. He said he'd try to temper that and I told him not to, to just play the way he'd play with anyone. We played for about 45 minutes and I'm hoping that I impressed him with some of my moves. He was really sweet about it, giving me tips on how to serve better, and hit the ball certain ways. I did return several of his serves with really fast, tricky shots to the side that he missed and he kept saying "wow". Every time I look at him, I think "wow" so I guess we're even.
We both got tired and rolled out, on the way to my house. I knew as soon as he picked me up, dependent on time, etc. that I was going to ask him inside. When we got to my street, I suggested that he find a parking spot and come inside if he wanted. He said sure, excitedly, I think. We parked and he came in. I gave him the little tour and he assessed my fridge, commenting that everything was "super healthy" and then on my general scene, saying that everything was "really neat". Both things good, I think, right? Anyway, we sat on my couch and chatted a bit. He reached over at one point and held my hand, began stroking my fingers, and I just couldn't wait any longer to kiss him. We kissed on the couch for awhile and then moved to the bedroom.
And ... here I go dark.
We both had to wake up early because he's as much, if not more, of an exercise psycho as I am. He set his alarm on his phone for what turned out to be 4:45 a.m. though when I asked him what time he needed to leave, he said too early and he didn't want to tell me. We slept, holding each other pretty much all night ... it felt amazing. I felt so secure and good and I think I might actually trust this one. Whoa. We both woke up to his insanely early alarm and I threw some clothes on to help him get himself together and to walk him out. We kissed again at the door (for a nice little while) and he said he had a really fun night and I told him I'm glad he stayed. He said he was glad, too. We then stood there for awhile longer, foreheads touching, just holding each other. Then he gave me a really sweet, gentle kiss on the forehead and stroked my hair. Sigh ... He told me Monday evening on our last date that his weekend is booked with plans with a friend and then there's Father's Day Sunday. So, he left saying that we'd talk soon and I feel fairly confident that we will. I stumbled back to bed, feeling tired, happy, sad that he was gone, and slightly nervous about the whole situation.
Ok, here's the deal: As I've said before, this is the point at which things can either keep getting better or become horrible. I'm so hopeful that things will keep getting better ... in the past I've dealt with XGFs who still dominate the scene, substance abuse issues, possible mental illness, and the general 'not ready for anything serious' problem ... this guy, at this point, has not mentioned any XGFs ... does not abuse anything ... seems completely functional and sane ... and, at age 38, one would hope that he's ready for something serious if the right person came along. So, the question is: am I the right person? Who knows. All I know is that I've had a rocky romantic road in my life, this blog being only the tip of a very sad and frustrating iceberg. I depend a lot on friends for advice and perspective but at the end of the day, it's my gut feeling that should control and my gut says this is ok so far. Better than ok, actually. And that scares the absolute living shit out of me. Is this what it feels like when you meet someone? Is this what it feels like when things work out and might actually go somewhere? I don't have a clue because nothing has ever worked out ... and nothing has ever gone anywhere. Sadly, I must admit that I get a little nervous between our dates that I won't hear from him or that he'll inexplicably disappear but I think that has more to do with my past experiences than his behavior. If the past does predict the future, I'll hear from him at some point this weekend and he'll ask me what I'm doing next week.
Guys ... I really want this to work out. I just get this feeling when I'm with him. This really good, comfortable feeling ... I don't want to communicate with anyone else on my chosen online dating site and have in fact purposefully avoided it in the case that he goes on to see whether I've been active. I don't want to be active and I want him to see that I'm no longer looking. I pray and hope against everything that's happened in my past, every heartache I've suffered, every time I've been let down and had to pick myself back up and try again, that this will be normal and that there will be no surprises ... I hope.
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